Relational Aggression in Teenage Friendships

Friendships are such a big part of your life as a teenager. Friends are your support, your laughter, and often, the ones who truly get you. But what happens when those friendships take a painful turn?

Relational aggression, also known as “mean girl” behaviour (though boys can do it too!), is a type of bullying that’s harder to see but can hurt just as much. It often shows up through gossip, exclusion, dirty looks, spreading rumours, and subtle manipulation. It’s about using relationships as a weapon, leaving the person targeted feeling isolated and betrayed.

What Does It Feel Like?

Imagine this: you walk into school, and your friends suddenly stop talking. The group chat goes silent, or worse, they’ve started a new one without you. They’ve stopped inviting you to things, or maybe they’re talking about you behind your back. You start noticing dirty looks across the room, whispers as you walk by, or giggles when you enter a conversation. You feel embarrassed, confused, and even start wondering, “What did I do wrong?”

Being on the receiving end of relational aggression can make you feel alone, anxious, and sometimes ashamed. It’s painful when people you trusted turn against you, leaving you doubting yourself and where you stand. It can be especially hard because there might not be obvious evidence like a shove or a fight, but the emotional scars are just as deep.

What Can You Do to Protect Yourself?

If you’re being targeted by relational aggression, it’s important to know you’re not alone and that there are ways to navigate it without making things worse for yourself.

Keep your cool: Reacting in anger or hurt can give the people being unkind more fuel. Try not to engage in the drama. Instead, take a deep breath and remember their behaviour—like giving you dirty looks or whispering—says more about them than it does about you.

Talk to someone you trust: Whether it’s a parent, a teacher, or a counsellor, let someone know what’s happening. You don’t have to face this alone. Sharing your feelings can help you feel supported and gain perspective.

Find your tribe: It might be time to build new friendships. People who value and respect you will never use dirty looks or exclusion to hurt you. Join a club, sport, or group where you can meet others who share your interests.

Set boundaries: It’s okay to distance yourself from people who aren’t treating you well. You don’t owe anyone your time or energy if they’re using it to make you feel bad about yourself.

Stay true to yourself: Don’t change who you are to fit in or stop the aggression. You are enough just as you are, and real friends will appreciate you for being you.

For Parents: How You Can Support Your Teen

As a parent, seeing your teen go through relational aggression can be heartbreaking. You might feel helpless, but your support is crucial. Let your teen know they can talk to you about what’s happening without fear of judgment or “fixing” the problem. Sometimes, they just need a listening ear.

Encourage them to seek positive friendships and model healthy relationships at home. Help them explore activities where they can meet like-minded peers. Remind them that it’s okay to walk away from toxic friendships, and that doing so doesn’t make them weak—it shows strength.

You’re Not Alone

Remember, relational aggression—whether it’s dirty looks, whispers, or exclusion—doesn’t define your worth. It can be tough, but by staying true to who you are, leaning on people who care about you, and refusing to engage in the drama, you can rise above it.

If you’re struggling with friendship issues and need support, reach out. Our team of psychologists is here to help you navigate the challenges of growing up and finding your place in the world. Together, we can work through these tough moments and help you feel confident in your friendships again.